The world as she sees it… (the story of how this came to be)

November 20, 2006 at 7:27 pm 1 comment

My world changed when I graduated from college.

I thought I had everything figured out, knew what I was going to do with my life. I had passion, but no drive. A desire, but no flow. I wanted to write television shows, wanted to help make them, but whenever I sat down to write a script, I felt limited. Intimidated. I’d written scripts before, but none were really good, at least, I thought so.

Then life decided to throw me a curve ball.

The job I was working was bad — I loathed every moment there, and every morning when I woke up, I’d lay there and wonder why my life was so unbalanced. I wanted to move to California (the above picture is of me in Hollywood Park under the Hollywood sign); I loved it there, and memories made tears come to my eyes. I missed it. Missed the freedom and excitement and contentment I’d felt there. I had a similar experience when returning from Japan — these were places where life made sense, unlike home.

I’d taken up collage art as a hobby, a natural progression from keeping a visual journal through paper arts to using collage as a way to vent all my frustrations with the way my life had been going. This lead me to a shop I loved, and they just happened to be hiring.

So I left the horrible job, the responsible, sensible job with a salary and benefits and paid vacation days for a retail job working with paper and creative people.

I thought life had finally clicked into place. Things felt right — I worked somewhere I loved, had time to do art, and finally started working on short stories with the hope of getting published.

And then…I lost the job.

I fell into a tailspin of self-pity. Why had the great creator given me such a lovely, balanced time only to rip it away a mere three weeks later? Was I a poor employee? Was I a bad person?

I couldn’t see it then, but now, I know I was meant to be there for as long as I was for a reason. You see, I learned card making there, and encountered the artwork of an artist I grew to admire. So many artists sold cards through our shop, and so, why couldn’t I? I had journals filled with artwork that could easily be adapted to cards or stationary — if they could do it, so could I!

And life clicked into place. I am an artist. I am a writer. I am all of these things because I believe I am. And all of these things I saw as bad were steps I needed to take in order to become who I am now.

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Entry filed under: Influences & Inspiration.

Holiday Cards! thanks-giving

1 Comment Add your own

  • 1. Andrea  |  November 21, 2006 at 3:20 am

    wow, that was beautifully written and incredibly inspiring. I can feel your pain, being at a job that kills you to go to everyday when you know you could be spending that time doing something you truly love. but leave the stability, the benefits and paid vacation, man it’s so scary. so I truly admiring you for making that jump. Yaaayyy!

    Reply

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